


I hate that I love you

by TheGirlWhoDancesWithAlphas



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Derek is an asshole, Isaac is a smartass, M/M, SCott is an idiot, and Stiles really sucks at emotions and eats ice cream, angsty beginning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-26 02:16:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/960389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGirlWhoDancesWithAlphas/pseuds/TheGirlWhoDancesWithAlphas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I hate you.” He muttered, holding back tears. “Damn it I hate that I love you!” he shoved his hands in his pockets willing his voice not to waver because he hadn’t intended to say this but he might as well because it’s not like he was ever going to get another chance.</p><p>“Jesus—Derek I love you so much it hurts, and you don’t give a shit about me. It’s pathetic because I—I’d do anything for you, and you won’t even tell me you’re fucking leaving.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I hate that I love you

Stiles was getting really sick of all this shit, it was bad enough watching Derek date his freaking English teacher. That had sucked, it was even worse when he found out she was some crazed freaking killer supernatural creature with a seriously fucked up face. It was almost unbearable when the bitch stole his dad and tried to kill him.

But the cherry on the top of this shit-storm of a fucking month was Derek trying to leave without even saying goodbye.

“You’re such a fucking asshole!” he hissed picking up the bag sitting on Derek’s bed and dumping the contents all over the floor. “Did you really think Scott wasn’t going to tell me, do you realize how pissed off I would have been! You couldn’t have just texted me directly?”  
He glared eyes burning bright with anger, “but nothing, not even a ‘hey Stiles I’ve decided to run away with my tail between my legs, bye.’ – nothing!”

Derek stood there with his back to him still, broad shoulders squared and facing the other direction. He didn’t look as menacing like this, no visible glare on his face, no leather jacket stretched across his biceps making him seem menacing.

When he looked like this, Stiles could hide the little bit of fear that remained- his tiny bit of apprehension at the fact that at any second Derek could snap and he’d be dead before he even knew what hit him.

Like this he didn’t seem like the scary alpha, he just seemed like Derek.

Problem was it wasn’t the scary alpha he was mad at, it was Derek.

This Derek.

This Derek that had decided to leave without even telling him.

“You’re still not going to say anything are you?” he asked anger radiating off of him in waves of heat and betrayal.

“What do you want me to say?” Derek asked turning to look at him.

He didn’t look angry like Stiles had hoped he would, he looked sad.

Stiles didn’t really deal well with sad, especially when he was causing it. It went against every fiber of his being to continue to yell at someone when he knew he was making them truly upset rather than angry.

But he was really pissed off.

“You could start with I’m sorry for being such an asshole.” He spat, arms crossed across his chest. “But that’s probably a lie, so you shouldn’t even bother.”

Derek sighed, staring at Stiles like he was a puzzle he couldn’t quite figure out for a moment before shaking his head and crouching down to grab the things that Stiles had flung about his bedroom in his fit of anger.

“You’re really leaving aren’t you?” Stiles asked, more upset than angry now, well, yes he was still angry but only because Derek hadn’t told him he was going anywhere.

They were friends.

Kind of.

Well… they didn’t hate each other anymore.

Or at least Stiles didn’t hate Derek anymore, he isn’t really sure he ever did.

“yes.” Derek replied shoving a couple books into his duffel bag and frowning at it.

“Do you know where you’re going?” Stiles asked, much less venom in his words than there had been previously.

“I wouldn’t tell you even if I did.” Derek said.

Stiles nodded in understanding, the point was to get away from Beacon Hills, from Scott’s pack, from the hellish supernatural fiasco that was going down, from Stiles. Why would he tell him where they were going?

“I’m sorry, for being such an asshole.” Derek said, not quite meeting Stiles’ eye.

‘Damn it.’ Stiles thought to him, he had sworn he wasn’t going to cry. He was angry, not sad—he had told himself so many times that he didn’t care that Derek was leaving only that he thought he could get away with doing it without saying goodbye. He had told himself so many times he thought maybe he believed it but – turns out he didn’t.

“I hate you.” He muttered, holding back tears. “Damn it I hate that I love you!” he shoved his hands in his pockets willing his voice not to waver because he hadn’t intended to say this but he might as well because it’s not like he was ever going to get another chance.

“Jesus—Derek I love you so much it hurts, and you don’t give a shit about me. It’s pathetic because I—I’d do anything for you, and you won’t even tell me you’re fucking leaving.”

Despite his valiant efforts, the tears poured down his face. His vision blurred, the dark outline that was Derek standing in an almost lightless room blended in with his surroundings.

Stiles took a shaky breath, mentally deciding that everything he just said was dumb and he should have never voiced any of it out loud.

It hurts so much more when the object of your affections knows and still rejects you. You lose that last strand of hope that maybe—one day something might happen and they’ll open their eyes and see that you actually exist.

It’s painful—he thought running a sleeved hand across his wet face and taking a deep—less shaky breath.

“Sorry, that was unnessacary.” He mumbled trying to steady his breathing and to stop the tears from actively falling down his face.

Derek said nothing.

Figures he would fall for the one person who could manage to make him feel like total shit without saying or doing anything.

“Don’t forget to say goodbye to Isaac, he’ll miss you.” Stiles said, heart still buried deep in the depths of his stomach, chest tight and face damp he turned to leave the room.

Part of him had this fantasy, that Derek would grab his wrist and pulls him back and tell him that he wasn’t going anywhere.

But his life wasn’t a movie and shit like that didn’t happen to guys like him, so he marched to his car, face red and puffy and drove himself home.

He fell into bed and turned off his phone, ignoring the eleven texts from Scott, presumably asking about why he had rushed from the house to go confront a man that as far as Scott knew—he hated and only interacted with when mutually saving each other’s lives.

He laughed to himself darkly at the thought of that—there is only so many times you can save somebody’s life before you start to get a little attached to them.

Except for Derek, apparently he can save somebody’s life and not give a shit what happens to them afterwards.

Stiles didn’t really sleep that night, he spent most of it tossing and turning and mentally breading himself about letting such stupid words slip from his lips.

On the up side, not sleeping meant that he did not in fact cry himself to sleep like he had expected to.

He did however have a hankering for a large tub of ice cream and sappy romance movies, he figured though, when he got out of bed and got dressed that he’d just call Lydia later and tell he he’d watch the notebook with her if he still felt that way after a day of researching, working with Deaton and fending off questions from Scott about what the hell happened the night before.

Chances were he’d probably need that ice cream twice as bad after a day like that.

He purposefully didn’t turn his phone back on until he was already in the car, because well—then he had another good reason not to answer it.

Texting and driving is a bad idea, everyone knows that.

So when he arrived at Scott’s house and knocked on the door, he was prepared with about twenty different arguments about why he hadn’t answered his phone.

He didn’t need any apparently.

The door swung open to a grinning Scott, who pulled him into a tight hug and dragged him towards the couch.

“I’m an idiot.” He said thrusting a bowl of—ice cream towards him.

He raised an eyebrow but didn’t turn it away—because well, it was ice cream, mint chocolate chip in fact which was his favorite and well he had really been wanting ice cream. For you know—wallowing purposes but whatever Scott had in mind worked too.

“You shouldn’t be so mean to yourself Scotty- I’d just say intellectually challenged at times.” He said smirking through his mouthful of ice cream.

Scott shoved his shoulder playfully and laughed a little glancing from him to Isaac who stood in the corner.

“But really why didn’t you tell me?” he asked as Stiles shoveled ice cream into his mouth.

He wasn’t sure who decided ice cream was a comfort food but they were a freaking champ, he didn’t feel much better—but it didn’t make him feel any worse therefore, it had to be doing some good.

“Tell you wha-?” Stiles mumbled around the spoonful of minty goodness.

“About Derek.”

Stiles froze a moment before continuing to eat his ice cream rapidly.

“Oh—ouch, brain freeze.” He exclaimed, waving his hands franticly.

Of course he didn’t actually have a brain freeze but the kid was great at avoiding topics he didn’t want to talk about, and Derek was one of those topics.

Derek had always been one of those topics except now it was worse.

“I’m not falling for it Stiles, you’re my best friend I know you don’t get brain freezes you’ve been making fun of mine since pre-K.”

Stiles frowned.

Like visible lower lip pouting frowning.

“It never came up.” Stiles answered finally shrugging and paying all of his attention to an almost empty bowl of ice cream.

“You fell in love with someone, and it just—never came up?” Scott replied, apparently frustrated.

“Well not everyone can have a story book romance Scott, it was stupid and I just wanted it to go away.” He replied before glaring at Isaac, “This is your fault isn’t it; he never would have figured it out on his own. I totally had him going with the whole still hopelessly in love with Lydia thing!”

Isaac shrugged a look of indifference on his face.

Stiles sighed, wondering if he got that look from Derek because they both wore it so often.

He took another bite of ice cream.

“Do you want me to call Lydia?” Scott asked looking very uncomfortable.

Stiles assumed he would be too if it wasn’t pretty much in his job description to clean up after Scott’s messes which included mending his stupid broken heart on a bi-monthly basis when Allison shot it with an arrow. And not the cute heart ones that cupid has, the real—painful ones.

Scott on the other hand, didn’t really ever have to deal with the emotions that Stiles may or may not have because for the most part he just ignored them until they went away. Or exploded out of him like a volcano aimed at someone who probably doesn’t deserve it.

Mostly that second one.

Stiles shook his head, “I think I’m just gonna go home.”

“Call me if you need anything?” Scott half said, half asked.

Stiles laughed, “sure thing.”

The ride back home sucked, you know how when you go through a break up everything apparently reminds you of the person that just crushed your heart and mangled your soul.

Well Stiles didn’t even get the fun relationship part that came before the heart crushing, but he did have to deal with the fact that he had very vivid memories of Derek sitting in his passenger seat.

Granted he had wolvesbane poisoning the first time and had bashed his head into a steering wheel the second, but he didn’t say they were pleasant memories, just vivid.

They still hurt though, remembering a time when he could happily hold onto that little shred of hope that maybe Derek wouldn’t hate him after he told him and they could possibly maybe even be friends.

Because let’s face it, they were never going to be anything more because Stiles was an annoying teenager and Derek was a surly angel sculpted by god himself as the model of physical perfection.

Also he hated everything in the world.

Especially Stiles.

Stiles threw his keys on the table when he walked in and dragged his feet to his bedroom, flinging the door open and stumbling, eyes already half closed to his bed, still fully clothed and plopping down face first.

“Why does my life suck” he mumbled into his pillows.

“At least your crazy ex-girlfriend didn’t burn your family alive.”

The noise that Stiles made totally was not a high pitched scream.

He would deny it until his dying day, and nobody could convince him otherwise.

Derek on the other hand knew the truth and he laughed.

Stiles were on his feet in a matter of seconds, fuming, “you can’t just break into my house! There are laws against that! It’s creepy, this is not twilight! I’m not going to swoon because you broke into my house, what the hell are you doing here anyway aren’t you supposed to be like running away from all your problems or something?”

Stiles yelled face red until suddenly all the blood drained from his face and he stumbled backwards, “oh god you’re going to kill me aren’t you. I knew you’d be mad but I really hoped you wouldn’t kill me. Can I write a note first, tell my dad what happened.” Stiles was flustered, face still sheet white, backed against his wall.

“though I’m not really sure what I’d write, sorry dad I got myself killed because I told a werewolf that I love him and he wasn’t happy with me so now I’m dead, hugs and kisses Stiles?’ not sure that would go over too well.”

Derek laughed.

‘Great’ Stiles thought, ‘I’m going to die and he’s laughing’

“I’m not going to kill you.”

The amount of relief that hit Stiles at that moment would have done so much good in Hati or something. 

“Oh thank god.” He said letting out a breath he hadn’t really been aware he was holding. “Why are you creeping in my bedroom then?”

Derek—blushed.

Or at least Stiles thought it was a blush, under all that facial hair. He couldn’t really be sure as he had never actually seen Derek blush. Or really make any other facial expression other than a glare or a fake smile that he used to charm people out of their —- well whatever he wanted from them.

Stiles couldn’t blame the guy; if he had a body like that he would use it to his advantage—in so many ways.

“We’re staying.” He muttered.

Stiles who was busy thinking about all the interesting ways that he would use Derek’s body to his advantage—he was allowed to objectify the guy because that wasn’t the only reason he liked him, though it didn’t hurt – totally missed what Derek said.

“What?”

“We’re staying, Cora and I.” Derek repeated, “She’s made some friends, seems to have latched onto Isaac quite a bit and I don’t think she really wanted to leave.”

Stiles nodded- shocked but happy—and upset at the same time.

He wasn’t upset that Derek was staying or anything, just that he wasn’t the reason he was staying. Which to be honest was crazy because it’s insane to think Derek would do anything for him, let alone make a major life decision.

“They’d make a cute couple” Stiles managed after a few seconds.

Derek nodded.

“Is that all?” Stiles asked, sure that his heart was beating faster than it needed to and positive that Derek could hear it.

They weren’t going to talk about this, and Derek wasn’t going to kill him.

It wasn’t the best outcome, but it was far from the worst so he was just going to have to deal with it.

“no.” Derek replied

Or not.

He really didn’t want to talk about this, it was embarrassing enough the nonverbal rejection he didn’t really need a verbal one too.

“Look I get it, I’ll leave you alone and I’ll never mention anything again you don’t have to explain. I already know you hate me; you don’t have to say it. “Stiles said, hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans—bit of a nervous habit really.

“I don’t hate you.” Derek replied with his giant scary man eyebrows furrowed.

He seemed offended by the statement.

“sure you don’t.” Stiles replied, “You don’t have to pretend you don’t to spare my feelings or whatever I’m perfectly able to deal with the fact that I love you and you hate me. Life works in funny ways like that.”

Derek glared at him, “I don’t hate you.” He repeated trough gritted teeth.

Stiles stared at him a moment before nodding, “alright—whatever you say.”

Stiles yawned, sitting on the end of his bed, “so are you just here to tell me that you don’t hate me and that you’re staying in town because you’ve done that and I intend to make up for the fact that I did not in fact cry myself to sleep last night because I opted out of sleeping at all.”

Stiles kind of lacked any kind of filter when he was tired, which wasn’t nessacaraly a good thing most times but now it didn’t really matter. Derek already knew everything Stiles really had to hide to him, who cares if he knew that he didn’t sleep the night before.

Plus he was proud of himself for not crying himself to sleep thank you very much.

“You’re making this difficult.” Derek said frowning at him.

Stiles laughed, “That’s me, difficult. That could be my middle name, except I don’t have one. Sucks too cause I have a shitty first name so that kind of stuck me with a weird nickname.” Stiles rambled.

“I like you.” Derek said cutting him off in the middle of his rant.

Stiles just stared at him, stunned.

He had seen Derek’s lips move, and had heard what he thought were the words “I like you” but he couldn’t be sure he wasn’t just hallucinating because he was exhausted.

“Pardon.”

Derek glowered at him, “I like you.” He repeated angrily, “a lot.”

Stiles stared at him like he had grown another head.

“I’ve never seen someone look so pissed off about liking another person before, is there someone holding a gun behind your back making you say this because that would make so much more sense.”

“You’re an idiot.” Derek retorted with no real venom in his words.

“There’s my Derek.” Stiles said grinning, and falling sideways onto his bed. “Come lay with me?”

Derek looked hesitant.

Stiles snorted, “come on dude it’s not like I’m asking you to de-virginize me, I just want to cuddle. Are you allergic to cuddles like you’re allergic to the entire spectrum of human emotion?”

Derek glared but climbed into bed none the less, toeing his shoes off and hesitantly wrapping his arm around Stiles’ middle.

Stiles yawned with a sleepy smile on his face, “am I dreaming? I’ve got to be dreaming, this can’t be real life, I’m going to wake up and you’re going to have left for wherever and I’m never going to see you again and it’s gonna suck.”

Derek chucked, tightening his arm around Stiles.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He replied.

Stiles smiled, large and goofy and sleep deprived but mostly happy.

“Der-“he started before being cut off by another yawn, “did you stay because of me? I get if you didn’t I’m just glad you stayed—“

“yes.” Derek said smiling and pressing his lips lightly to the skin on the back of Stiles’ neck. “Now sleep we can talk about it when you wake up.”

Stiles was going to argue, but he found it was really hard to do when he was wrapped up in this cloud of bliss and the arms of the guy he loved and – damn it he was really tired so he just yawned and smiled.

“Love you.” He muttered curling deeper into Derek’s embrace.

And maybe he imagined it, but he could have sworn he heard Derek mumble, “I love you too.”


End file.
